Everyone wants my money. Ever feel that way?
A "major" event planning directory offered me a deal two years back, so I decided to give them a try. I contracted one show through the service, which paid for the year. When it was time to renew, they wanted "full price". I said "No Thanks."
We got into a major discussion - they couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to renew when I had contracted work. I explained the basic laws of economics according to Tom. A less expensive listing service provided me with a 10x the return on my investment during the same period. Their site, at actual cost, would have provided me a 1.5x return.
They spouted the return their other clients were claiming. I replied the other clients were in a broader market - my specialty is not in as wide a demand by the masses. They told me I would notice my profits diminish if I didn't re-sign. I hung up the phone.
Over the past few months, I've gotten a "sales" e-mail from them about every other week. Today I got their "Name Your Price Sale" notice. That's sad. They claim the economy is hurting and they are trying to help me. I have my doubts about the last part, although the e-mail does prove their economy is having some issues.
Name you own price? Sorry - I expect to deal with results. If their site did what it claims, they wouldn't have to make this offer. Deliver results and people will pay your price.
By the way - when you want an audience laugh, contact me. If my act is a good match, I promise I will deliver the results.
www.ComedyVentriloquist.com
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Guaranteed Entertainment
I recently had a conversation with an "entertainer" who said most of his customers hire him because he offers a money back guarantee. In 18 years, he proudly told me, no one has ever requested their money back.
Who is going to check that claim?
As a client, you hire entertainment to do one thing - entertain the audience. If the act is no good - you've failed. At the point his money back guarantee kicks in, your event was already ruined. Money back? Or success? Which one do you really want?
Why would an act have to offer that type of guarantee? To make you feel more comfortable with selecting them as an entertainment option? Can you really be comfortable knowing there is a chance you may not be happy with their act? No matter how small the chance?
Salesmen offer a money back guarantee. I'm an entertainer - I make people laugh. I offer proof that I am the act that "can" make your evening a success. Salesmen will always try to make the sale. As a professional entertainer, I turn down more offers than I take. I accept only the programs that I will enjoy. Ones that fit my act. Events where I can be successful - and in turn, make the event a success.
So the question should really be: As a client searching for entertainment - should you hire a salesman, or an entertainer? Get proof the act is good. I'm pretty certain Jay Leno doesn't offer a money back guarantee either.
Who is going to check that claim?
As a client, you hire entertainment to do one thing - entertain the audience. If the act is no good - you've failed. At the point his money back guarantee kicks in, your event was already ruined. Money back? Or success? Which one do you really want?
Why would an act have to offer that type of guarantee? To make you feel more comfortable with selecting them as an entertainment option? Can you really be comfortable knowing there is a chance you may not be happy with their act? No matter how small the chance?
Salesmen offer a money back guarantee. I'm an entertainer - I make people laugh. I offer proof that I am the act that "can" make your evening a success. Salesmen will always try to make the sale. As a professional entertainer, I turn down more offers than I take. I accept only the programs that I will enjoy. Ones that fit my act. Events where I can be successful - and in turn, make the event a success.
So the question should really be: As a client searching for entertainment - should you hire a salesman, or an entertainer? Get proof the act is good. I'm pretty certain Jay Leno doesn't offer a money back guarantee either.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
What's Your Price?
Hiring entertainment isn't like buying lunch at McDonald's. (At least it shouldn't be.) If the first question a client asks is "What do you charge?", chances are, I'm not the right act. That doesn't mean I am expensive, but I guarantee I am not the value meal either.
The other day I was approached by a potential client. They were having a small event and wanted 20 minutes of entertainment. The woman had seen my web site, watched my videos and was positive she wanted me. Because it was a small group, I was in the area and I could easily drop by to do a short set, I gave her a great deal. She replied I was too expensive. I was curious as to what she thought I would charge. She told me she could get a magician for $100. My reply was, I'm sorry you can't afford my rate and I truly hope you have a successful event.
$100? I've opened concerts for major names. I spent a month in Mexico performing at 5 star resorts. I've worked for major corporations throughout the U.S. with rave reviews. This is evident on my web site. What about those even suggest I would charge $100? This is a case of someone who didn't understand the value of entertainment.
Before I can give a quote, I need information. I want to know if your planned event is a correct fit for me. If you are looking for the lowest price, I can't help you. If you want the best value for your budget, e-mail me and we can talk about your event.
The other day I was approached by a potential client. They were having a small event and wanted 20 minutes of entertainment. The woman had seen my web site, watched my videos and was positive she wanted me. Because it was a small group, I was in the area and I could easily drop by to do a short set, I gave her a great deal. She replied I was too expensive. I was curious as to what she thought I would charge. She told me she could get a magician for $100. My reply was, I'm sorry you can't afford my rate and I truly hope you have a successful event.
$100? I've opened concerts for major names. I spent a month in Mexico performing at 5 star resorts. I've worked for major corporations throughout the U.S. with rave reviews. This is evident on my web site. What about those even suggest I would charge $100? This is a case of someone who didn't understand the value of entertainment.
The $100 kid's birthday party ventriloquist would not be the act you want for an important corporate dinner. The corporate entertainer, is not the act you want for a children's party. The two things people remember about most events are the food and the entertainment. Trust me, having a few less decorations because the correct entertainer was a bit more expensive is worth it. Does that mean a more expensive entertainer is actually worth more? Only if they are the correct entertainer for your type of event. You need to do your homework. Watch videos, read references, check them out. Talk to the entertainer, make certain he or she isn't just looking for a paycheck. (Too many of them are...)
Before I can give a quote, I need information. I want to know if your planned event is a correct fit for me. If you are looking for the lowest price, I can't help you. If you want the best value for your budget, e-mail me and we can talk about your event.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Laugh for the day...
Technology, you have to love it! Well, when it is helpful anyway.
Last summer, while I was on the road for shows, our cell plan came due and we were offered new phones. Not being around, I told my wife to pick something she thought I'd like. She chose a phone similar to my old one, except it was by a different manufacturer. I wasn't overly thrilled, but by the time I figured that out, they no longer allowed an exchange. So I am stuck with this wonderful piece of junk.
I carry my phone in my pocket, so the side buttons are constantly being bumped. I've taken about 300 pictures of the inside of my pants. The other day I had taken eleven before I heard the shutter going off.
Before you tell me I can change the functions of the buttons - sorry, not on this phone. It doesn't allow you to set the features. Can you say cheap?
So today, for perhaps the four hundredth time, I heard a faint: "Say the Command" coming from my pants. I was pretty certain it was the phone. I pulled it out and cleared my throat.
"Text or Picture Message?"
I again cleared my throat.
"Send text message to?"
I cleared my throat really loud.
Apparently the phone did not understand I was being sarcastic and proceeded to set up a text message for my mother.
Nice...there has to be a routine in there somewhere.
I hate this phone.
Last summer, while I was on the road for shows, our cell plan came due and we were offered new phones. Not being around, I told my wife to pick something she thought I'd like. She chose a phone similar to my old one, except it was by a different manufacturer. I wasn't overly thrilled, but by the time I figured that out, they no longer allowed an exchange. So I am stuck with this wonderful piece of junk.
I carry my phone in my pocket, so the side buttons are constantly being bumped. I've taken about 300 pictures of the inside of my pants. The other day I had taken eleven before I heard the shutter going off.
Before you tell me I can change the functions of the buttons - sorry, not on this phone. It doesn't allow you to set the features. Can you say cheap?
So today, for perhaps the four hundredth time, I heard a faint: "Say the Command" coming from my pants. I was pretty certain it was the phone. I pulled it out and cleared my throat.
"Text or Picture Message?"
I again cleared my throat.
"Send text message to?"
I cleared my throat really loud.
Apparently the phone did not understand I was being sarcastic and proceeded to set up a text message for my mother.
Nice...there has to be a routine in there somewhere.
I hate this phone.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Inspiration
Last Saturday my wife an I attended Jay Johnson's show at the Majestic Theater in Gettysburg, PA. Jay is best known for his starring role on "SOAP". He also won a Tony Award for his Broadway show "The Two And Only". Last year in Pittsburgh, we got the chance to see the "The Two and Only", this year Jay was traveling solo with a scaled down version that was just as entertaining.
If you haven't seen Jay work, you need to correct that. The man's mastery is inspiring. Some people still think of ventriloquists as a hack act or poor comedian. Jay raises the bar and anyone who sees his show realizes there is so much more. Ventriloquism really is an art.
There is so much more to this than keeping your lips still. You'd swear, watching Jay's "Box Trick" that he has thrown his voice, and he proves it using a microphone. There is no doubt! When he and Bob go back and forth the exchange is so fast, there has to be two people on the stage. Bob is real. And Darwin? Let's just say - "I WANT THAT ELF!". (See the show, get the reference.)
Thank you Jay, for inspiring me again. I continue to practice and never plan to stop!
If you haven't seen Jay work, you need to correct that. The man's mastery is inspiring. Some people still think of ventriloquists as a hack act or poor comedian. Jay raises the bar and anyone who sees his show realizes there is so much more. Ventriloquism really is an art.
There is so much more to this than keeping your lips still. You'd swear, watching Jay's "Box Trick" that he has thrown his voice, and he proves it using a microphone. There is no doubt! When he and Bob go back and forth the exchange is so fast, there has to be two people on the stage. Bob is real. And Darwin? Let's just say - "I WANT THAT ELF!". (See the show, get the reference.)
Thank you Jay, for inspiring me again. I continue to practice and never plan to stop!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Corporate Entertainment
Just finished writing an article to help promote my act to corporate talent buyers.
http://tiny.cc/nSoAi
http://tiny.cc/nSoAi
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Professional Entertainment
This past Saturday I was hired to perform at an outdoor corporate event. I arrived well ahead of my scheduled performance to coordinate with the other acts, check out the audience and figure out how to best stage my spot. I quickly realized there was no need. The opening band's gear took up the entire stage. There was no way to pre-set my equipment for a smooth transition. The band members were to perform from 4:00 - 6:00pm, but at 4:00 they were eating dinner. After dinner plus a few more beers, they sound checked and started shortly after 5 pm.
They were great musicians. But they were not a band. Between each song there was a long uncomfortable break as they figured out what they would do next. They never engaged their audience. As a result - they had a very small one. With their talents, if they treated the gig professionally, they could do very well. Instead, they became background music.
At 6:05, the lead singer announced they would take a short break and then come back. That grabbed my attention, because I was hired to begin at 6:30. I spoke with her to find out that they had been paid for two hours and since they started late, they figured they would play until 7:00. THEN they had to break down and head to another gig just down the road, where they would start at 9:00.
While I admire the fact they wanted to give the client what they paid for - the client paid for a band to start at 4:00. Depending on how fast they broke down, and how fast I could set my equipment and sound - my act was now going to be an hour (possibly more) behind schedule. In all fairness, this was a pretty laid back event and the important thing was that the crowd had a good time. I agreed to go on late, glad I carried lights so I wouldn't be performing in shadows.
When I finally started, the crowd came in. A full tent with people standing around the back so they could see. The show was fun, although a few of the V.I.P.'s I was supposed to play with had to leave before I ever started.
As a professional, I realize schedules change. An act should be flexible enough to work with the event to help things run smoothly. Causing the schedule to change because you were eating dinner is unprofessional. That was a classic example of an act only concerned about themselves - not the client's vision of the overall event.
The moral of this post is simple - if you are an entertainer - if you take money from a client - do the job. Plan ahead, get there early, stick to the schedule and make the client happy. If you are a client searching for entertainment - hire a professional. The difference to your event will be noticable.
BTW - Just a guess, but I bet the "band" started late at the other event too...
They were great musicians. But they were not a band. Between each song there was a long uncomfortable break as they figured out what they would do next. They never engaged their audience. As a result - they had a very small one. With their talents, if they treated the gig professionally, they could do very well. Instead, they became background music.
At 6:05, the lead singer announced they would take a short break and then come back. That grabbed my attention, because I was hired to begin at 6:30. I spoke with her to find out that they had been paid for two hours and since they started late, they figured they would play until 7:00. THEN they had to break down and head to another gig just down the road, where they would start at 9:00.
While I admire the fact they wanted to give the client what they paid for - the client paid for a band to start at 4:00. Depending on how fast they broke down, and how fast I could set my equipment and sound - my act was now going to be an hour (possibly more) behind schedule. In all fairness, this was a pretty laid back event and the important thing was that the crowd had a good time. I agreed to go on late, glad I carried lights so I wouldn't be performing in shadows.
When I finally started, the crowd came in. A full tent with people standing around the back so they could see. The show was fun, although a few of the V.I.P.'s I was supposed to play with had to leave before I ever started.
As a professional, I realize schedules change. An act should be flexible enough to work with the event to help things run smoothly. Causing the schedule to change because you were eating dinner is unprofessional. That was a classic example of an act only concerned about themselves - not the client's vision of the overall event.
The moral of this post is simple - if you are an entertainer - if you take money from a client - do the job. Plan ahead, get there early, stick to the schedule and make the client happy. If you are a client searching for entertainment - hire a professional. The difference to your event will be noticable.
BTW - Just a guess, but I bet the "band" started late at the other event too...
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